Well, for those of you who do read my blog, and im sure i don't have many followers. LOL.
I haven't blogged in exactly 15 days, which is odd for me since i always have things on my mind. This is partly because if i had blogged, i would have probably caused some concern, and had people asking whether i was sane or should be put on suicide watch.
The truth is, and i know i have harped on about it a bit, i am deeply saddened by a loss in my family. My grandma passed away monday the 3rd of May, she was one of my best friends. I really don't know who to turn to here, i feel like i am bothering my friends by mentioning it. I feel like i am just bringing them down. I feel like i am constantly saying sorry for thinking about it, because deep down i feel like i should have noticed something was wrong the day before. I know that i am still alive but i can't help but dwell on how much i need her here with me.
Theres an empty space there now, that other thoughts just can't seem to fill. I can't help but think about how she was alone when it happened, and if i had gotten up when mum had called me, i could have done something to help.
Life is passing around me and i feel like its a blur, things are happening, people are laughing, but its all just a temporary distraction, from that sinking feeling i feel everyday and i don't know how to stop it. And with everyday that passes i care about things less and less.
A little while ago i blogged about how grateful i was for my friends, because alot of people have not stuck around. I feel like this has happened again, but i am entirely grateful to my best friends who came and supported me on friday, you all have my heart, i needed you and you were there.
To me that is Beautiful...
I know i have to be strong for my mum and my sister, but sometimes i wonder if people actually think aboout the one they assume will always be strong.
I dont know why i stayed away from blogging, for it has been the greatest relief so far.
thanks for listening, hopefully my blogs will be happier in future.
Wednesday, May 12, 2010
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2 comments:
Just a thought...
The passing of a loved one can be devastating, especially when they are people who you have that close of a relationship with.
Sometimes, we question whether we should have done more or payed more attention to what was going on - doubting ourselfs and our actions but that is perfectly normal.
Grieving is a difficult process (I personally, say that from experience) and although i can never put myself in your shoes for one moment, i can slightly understand where you are coming from.
It is true that in the most difficult of times, those who are your true friends become your shining light, leading you slowly back to the life that was.
What i can say to you is this, Don't ever for one second think that by talking about your grandma that your are burdening your friends. I can tell you that, they are probably sitting back wanting to talk to you about it, wanting to provide you the comfort of a friendly shoulder and give you the chance to speak about the memory of your grandma.
It's most probably that they just don't know what to say. They can see your pain and don't want you to hurt anymore - but they don't know what to say to make it better.
So next time you feel like you need to talk, go to your best friends and talk to them. Im sure they will understand and be more than will to be the attentive listener.
But most importantly, talk about your grandma. As long as your talk about those loved ones that have left us, we are ensuring that their memory lives on in each and every heart that their life has blessed.
Just remember, being the strong one is good most the time. Sometimes you just need to be YOU!
:)
My thoughts are with you!
She is with you no matter what, you may not believe that but shes with you. Just because she isn't physically here does not mean she isn't here in spirit. I'm not here to preach about another dimension or anything but i think it's very important for you to know that.
It's also important that you grieve. Your friends are there for you for many reasons- to BE that shoulder to cry on and try and comfort you when you are down- so are your family. Being strong doesn't mean that you need to carry the world on your shoulders or carry other people's pain especially when this is also affecting you personally as well. being strong also means that you are shutting out everything around you. You need to cry with your mum and sister- i believe thats what make you strong ...
i love you Shaz raz ma taz <3. yeah she would've said 'what's all this fuss about', but at the same time she would've let you cry and wiped away your tears and told you everything will be alright.
Thats what angels do... and She will always be there for you! <3
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